Ethereal
by lana-klaroline
Summary: Where Klaus is in the army and Caroline is in college. It's their paradise and it's their war zone. AU;Human.
1. Caroline's Letter

_Niklaus ?_

 _And I would wonder what you were doing, if you were alright. If you were even alive. God, I didn't even know if you were. I think a part of me refused to believe you could die out there, you would always be too strong to me. You could beat anything and anyone life threw at you. And I knew that. So maybe that's why I did what I did, why I could stop writing to you and move on with my life. Cause I knew you would survive, you always would. You'd live without me. But god, it fucking sucked. Doing what I did. Knowing that you had no idea why. I lost count of how many sleepless nights I just lay there thinking about you and what you were going through. If you even noticed the lack of letters, if you missed me, if you even cared anymore. I heard 6 months later your tour had ended and you were back in the states. I didn't know where, not that I would have tried to find you but I'd like to think that I would do this great big grand gesture, beg for your forgiveness and you'd take me back. But you know how I am. I couldn't bring myself to face you after what I did, couldn't even begin to form an explanation as to why. But I honestly believed I was doing the right thing._

 _You would never admit it but you were the better one, you were the more romantic, gentle, loving one. I was messed up, and you couldn't fix me. No one could but me. I knew I didn't deserve you and a selfish part of me didn't care, still wanted to stay with you. But I needed to be a better person for you, so I tried. I spent a lot of those 6 months getting in touch with my parents and friends, learning how to forgive and I even took up painting again. I learnt a lot from group therapy aswell, and I started to finally love myself, love my body the way it is, the way it is meant to be. And when the time came, when I heard you were home, I wasn't ready. I had only just started accepting myself as well as everything that had happened and I was scared you would take one look at me and see me as the selfish bitch I was, after all I left you when you were depending on me. But I want you to know I've spent every day thinking about you. And I don't even know if this letter will reach you, you could never tell me where you were but I remember your platoon number._

 _I'm so sorry._

 _For everything I did and for how that made you feel. I can understand how mad you would be at me and I know there's a high chance you'll burn this letter before you even read it. But I just want you to know I'm so sorry and I love you. I think I understand how to love someone now, you have to accept yourself before you can fully trust someone else with your whole being. And I trust you._

 _Love Caroline xoxo_


	2. Niklaus's Letter

(KLAUS P.O.V.)

To an old love.

Nope. Too soon.

To whom it may concern.

No. Too formal.

Maybe I just shouldn't write an introduction. Maybe I just shouldn't even be writing this letter.

Fuck this.

 _There's nothing I could ever say that would explain what you did to me, how devastated I was when it was me and my mates turn for mail, only to have no letters. Not a single one. This went on for about a month before I realised what was going on. You had stopped writing to me. And my god that hurt Caroline. It hurt more than the time we got ambushed and I was too slow to reload and got a bullet clean through my shoulder. Hurt more than when I found out my best mate Alec stepped on an IUD and was flown back to the states, leaving a leg behind._

 _What you did to me was indescribable, and I was so angry for so long I didn't even try to think about why you had left me. Didn't even bother to look at it from your perspective. But it's been a week since you finally wrote me after 9 months of silence, and I didn't know if I wanted to reply. Might not even send this letter. Because there isn't much left to explain. You stopped loving me and I never stopped loving you. And I know you had your issues but damn it Caroline, maybe you should have just talked to me about it before leaving me hanging in the middle of a war zone. I couldn't be distracted, not with my job and I was doing so well until my tour ended and I came home._

 _I don't know what I expected, I guess I still hoped that this was all just a big misunderstanding, they lost your letters, and you'd be at the airport just waiting for me. But the day came and you never showed._

 _I guess my trip back to the states was what I needed to realise that you weren't coming back to me. So I went back on tour to Afghanistan and tried my hardest to forget about you these past couple of months. I was doing a good job aswell until your letter. As for me being the "better one", that's bullshit. You're acting like you weren't good enough for me but bloody hell Caroline you were my everything and I tried showing you that everyday. And it hurts that you could just leave me like that. Because you thought you weren't "good enough". Even after everything we went through, everything we shared._

 _I'm glad you're better and I hope one day you love yourself as much as I loved you. But I'm sorry baby, I just can't trust you. Not anymore._

 _Klaus._


	3. Chapter 1

3 months later

(Caroline POV)

Today was the first day I hadn't thought about his letter and broke down and cried. It had been 2 and a half months since I checked my mail and instantly recognised the handwriting. I brought it back up to my one bedroom apartment, sat down on my pink queen sized bed and stared at it for hours on end. I don't know when I finally worked up the courage to read it but I broke down and cried. I cried until I couldn't even form sentences, my vision was so blurred and I cried until I realised it was finally over. We were done, I had got my closure which I never realised could hurt this much. I cried until I realised that he had read my letter, made his own and I finally knew how what I did hurt him. I couldn't write back, there was no point. I didn't want to cause Niklaus any more pain than necessary. My mind still reels with questions like where was he, was he okay?

But I knew that my worrying was unfair on him and myself since I needed to move on and accept what had gone down between us.

This is how as of today I found myself waiting in the local cafe I worked at, thinking about how everything worked out. I was almost done with my event planning degree and had healthy relationships with my mum and my dad and his boyfriend. Elena and Bonnie were happy for me but I found an even better friend in Katherine who transferred to the College I study at. As I counted my blessings, a new part of my life walked into the cafe. His name was Ryder.

(Present Moment POV.)

"Hey Care", a part of me still cringed at that nick name but I smiled nonetheless. "Hey, I was just about to call you", I replied as Ryder sat down in the booth next to me and wrapped his arm around me.

"Sorry, got caught up in traffic. How was your shift?"

"Ugh, tiring. How about we ditch this joint, go back to yours?", I grinned as I see Ryder fetch his car keys and offer me a hand out of the booth. "I'm thinking movie marathon tonight and cartoon marathon tomorrow morning. Class doesn't start till the afternoon." As we walk out of the cafe and towards his black Chrysler I see him grin out of the corner of my eye and he wraps his arm around my waist.

"Sounds good babe", Ryder laughs as we hop into his car and start the drive to his apartment, and when his hand reaches for mine across the console I forget about Niklaus and everything else and I think I am finally happy again.

 **THE NEXT MORNING**.

"YEAH I KNOW WHEN THAT HOTLINE BLING"

I hear a groan from the body sleeping besides me as I slowly wake up and hear my phone ringing. My hands stumble around in the dark trying to stop the deafening noise.

"Babe turn it off", I hear Ryder grumble as he unwraps his arm from my waist and rolls on his other side.

"THAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING"

"I'm trying", I hiss. Not a morning person if you can't tell. Finally my hands find my phone and I squint as I see the Caller ID. Of course it's her.

"Seriously Katherine, it's 4 in the morning" I yell/whisper as I leave the room, trying to let Ryder sleep while I plan my best friends murder.

"Honey you are never going to believe what I just heard", her voice somehow manages to sound excited yet scared at the same time, as if she was worried of my reaction.

"You woke me up this early to tell me gossip which probably isn't true Katherine, are you serious? You know I left that life behind in high sch-", my rambling was rudely cut off when Katherine finally let out the news which obviously could not wait until a reasonable time in the day.

"He's back."

It's funny how just two words could form the most deadly sentence. My mind was filled with thoughts running a hundred miles a second and I felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me.

"Caroline?", Katherine's worried voice brought me back.

"H-How do you know? Are you sure? Why would you even tell me Kat I told you I didn't want to know."

"Rebekah told me, she misses you, I can tell." Once again I could hear the pleading tone that begged me to fix things with Rebekah so we could be the best friends we used to be. But there were some things I couldn't do and that was one.

"Don't Kat. Seriously." As I paced across Ryder's living room in the dark, I realised something I'd been desperate to know. He was alive. He was back. He was safe.

"... and this time his leave is 2 months or at least that's what Rebekah said. He hasn't decided whether to re-enlist or not yet because it's a 5 year contract and Caroline? You still there?" My pacing stopped as I realise Katherine was still talking.

"Um yeah sorry I zoned out there. Listen I can't really think about this right now. I'll call you back in the morning." I made my way back to Ryder's room and quickly got changed out of his spare t-shirt and into my clothes.

"I'm sorry for telling you but I thought you deserved to know. You know I just want what's best for you."

"I know Kat. I love you."

"Love you too Carrie."

I found myself smiling despite the circumstance and started to write a note for Ryder telling him Katherine had some boy drama and needed me at her place ASAP and the cartoon marathon would have to take a raincheck.

Unlocking the door to my own apartment, I went straight to my bedroom and crawled into my own bed, my hand automatically pulled out the box hidden under mattress. Pushing past all the photos and memories, I reached his letter and read it over and over until I fell asleep. I don't know if Niklaus was happy with his life, if he was angry at the world, at his family, at me. But I still wondered what it would be like if we were still together.


End file.
